Love Yourself First....

I recently posted a question on my Facebook group "list 5 things you love in the world". 

It was an experiment.  I was being tricky.  There were many responses but only one put themselves on the list and not the top.  

In the last few years, one of the changes I have been making in my life, is to love myself first. (sobriety brings a lot of change)  It isn't selfish, or conceited to do this.  

No, people who are vain, have a lot of self-hatred covered over by a layer of "I'm better then you".

But this is different.  It isn't wrong to put yourself on the top of that list, ahead of family and friends, your pets or shrimp. 

If you don't, who the hell is going to love them and take care of them in the fierce, amazing way that only you can, when you're empty, depleted and have nothing left to give. 

We say, "oh I take care of myself, I have self care Sunday"  (I said that in a stereotypical high pitched women voice.)

Wow!! One day (which is probably really a couple hours of that day) out of 7 days, if you really even do commit to doing self care once a week. 

Regardless, that isn't quite what I mean, I am digging beyond "self care".

What I am asking you to do, is really love yourself.

A love like-look in the mirror at your body, hair, into your own eyes and tell yourself how amazing you really are-kind of love. 

How beautiful your hair shines, how wonderful and amazing your body is for carrying your soul around everyday even though you treat that body like shit sometimes.  How gorgeous your eyes really are and how much love you see in them. ​

Have you looked in the mirror and told yourself "you are my best friend, I really enjoy living my life with you, we have a good life together and it will only get better and better". 

Have you?

You have?  Beautiful!!!  Then you don't need to read an further.

You have not? Well that is because you start picking yourself apart as soon as you look in the mirror right? 

Pointing out every damn thing that doesn't live up to this ridiculous fucking standard you set for yourself! (yes, I dropped the f-bomb, it was  necessary!!)

Why? 

Why do you treat yourself like this?  What would you say if you heard your best friend or your kid talking to themselves like that?

How is that kind of talk actually serving you?

It is serving you by making you feel sad and if you think that sadness doesn't come out in your daily life, then you are mistaken. 

That moment you snap at the ones you love the most.  When you start pushing the people around you away.  You may even start coping or soothing yourself in negative ways such as drinking, self harm, eating disorders, sex,  mindless shopping...whatever it takes to make you feel good for a short period.  

I know, I have done it for many years.

All the love in our lives begins with us.  (read that again) 

When you really love yourself, you cannot hurt yourself, and you cannot hurt another person. 

Trust me when I say, if you don't start loving yourself first, you can't really love the ones that matter to you.
 
So please look in that mirror and realize you are worthy, except and love yourself exactly as you are, right here and now.
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I love myself, and because of that I can love my kids/husband/friends (you know, people), the animals in my life, home, and my career.